Another dream.

It happened again. Another dream. This one was so bad that it actually woke me up around 5:30 and I had to really push myself to try and go back to sleep. I don't know if that's ever really happened before. I can't remember everything this time. Only the parts that carried over after I fell back asleep.

I was in a house. I'm not so certain where but if what I remember of the layout is right then I think it was my childhood friend's house. There were a lot of people that I knew there as well. But that's all I can tell you about that. Something happens and then my teeth start the process of loosening and then coming out in pieces. It's an absolutely indescribable feeling. I'm standing there in horror wondering how and why this is happening.

Everyone around me is going about their own business and I'm trying not to draw attention to myself. My mouth is full of broken teeth and blood. So much blood that I can't even talk for fear of people finding out. And when it gets to be too much, I hold my hands to my mouth and blood and pieces of teeth just spill out into cupped palms. It's terrifying and I feel myself starting to lose control over my emotions and then, in that moment, I wake up.

Not really though. I'm still dreaming but it's a layered dream- a dream within a dream. I realize this immediately, check my mouth and begin to feel better because at least in this dream I have all of my teeth. Then, somehow I find myself falling back into the previous dream. I'm losing consciousness and immediately I am back where I was before, hands gripping my mouth as teeth and gum and blood are seeping through my fingers.

That's when I lose it completely because I know now that this is a dream. I scream and thrash around trying to find the bathroom. Everyone there is beginning to pay attention to me but I don't even notice because I'm so far lost in my terror and rage. I make it to the bathroom and begin pulling the remnants of my teeth and gums from my mouth all the while trying to convince myself that it's a dream and I need to wake up.

The next thing I realize is that I'm pulling myself from unconsciousness- literally fighting to get out of the dream. I've never done that before. It was a strange feeling to force myself awake. Even after I wake up I can still feel the grittiness in my mouth. It's enough to have me sit up, the need to get my breathing back to a functioning level being a top priority. Then I check my mouth.  I'm glad my roommate was off campus this night because I think this would have absolutely woken her up.

I don't know what to think of these recurring dreams. There are times when I think I've final gotten to a point where I can understand their significance and then the whole situation changes and I'm left with nothing but the uneasy knowledge that these are going to keep happening but no reasons why.

Rationality(?)

This last week in my Contemporary Art class we were listening to student presentations on various artists that pertain to this time period. One particular presentation struck a cord with me... not because I admired the artist's work (completely the opposite, I didn't find him to be credible at all). And, I apologize because I don't even remember this artist's name. EDIT: I looked it up, the artist is Anthony Falbo. It's (still) not important, not really. Instead, I am more interested in the reasons behind the student's decision to present on Falbo.

It's pretty safe to say he paints images with a religious context. They're mostly poorly done cubist-esque images of Bible stories. And we find out that the student presenting the work is very religious (apart of some new aged Christian sect that claims tolerance and love for everyone, etc.) However, she isn't presenting Falbo's work because she likes it... no. Actually, while she's in front of the class, she is fuming. And it's all because of this:

Adam and Steve

It's pretty funny. I think the image in question is probably one of the only remotely successful pieces he has. Maybe it's because the image is eliciting such a strong reaction? Maybe it has to do with my overwhelming contempt for Christianity? Who knows.

So, she goes through her presentation and when she's done she asks the class if we wanted to share our opinions on the matter. And right there a red flag goes up in my mind because she isn't really asking for an opinion out of curiosity. I can hear it in her voice, in the way it's slightly shaky. No, she's pissed and she's looking for others to either be outraged with her or nothing at all. Naturally, to avoid a shit show that would undoubtedly ensue, I keep my mouth shut.

But this whole thing leads me to my ultimate... point? Question? Something, I'm not sure. I just can't understand why people will constantly bring up the topic of religion and say that they'd like to discuss it objectively. Clearly, that is not the case 98% of the time. People instantly get defensive. Then they get offensive and begin attacking everything you say. There is no rationality in any conversation concerning religion.

Is it even possible to have a rational debate over something so completely irrational? Maybe it will forever be an oxymoron.... a rational religious debate. Who knows?

Or maybe it's all me. Am I being irrational? I've asked myself that a number of times. Still haven't come to a conclusion. OH well, point is- if anyone would like to try discussing religion rationally with me, I'd love the opportunity :)

Ps- Here's a link to Falbo's website if you're interested. Please enjoy the 70s porno music and weird tooth art as well.

So it's a surreal feeling.

Completely. I don't really know how to feel about it all. My senior exhibition-- the one that we so tirelessly stressed out over throughout this entire semester-- has come to a close. 5 in 4 had it's opening reception last Friday. That's it. I'm done.

Like I said... Surreal.

Here is a copy of my artist statement that I used for the show:

I’m interested in people— in race, nationality, gender, age, belief systems, etc. and how all of these things can affect and dictate human behaviors and interactions. And how our impressions of others can be altered based upon any given situation.

This particular body of work is a personal exploration and attempt at understanding humans and the reasons we act and react with violence. I’ve begun questioning the role of violence. Is it senseless? Or is it unfortunate means to a more promising end? It’s an ongoing internal debate.

The toy soldiers are motifs in my work that have constantly evolved over the years as I continue to explore the possibilities they seem to offer. The earliest works were simple still lives meant to highlight the interchangeability of these figurines and human beings, making parallels between staged battle scenes and real life war. Then I began to contextualize these battle scenes by superimposing them onto newspaper articles and current events. Most recently, I have begun to move away from the actual toy figurine and started developing this concept of a toy soldier shell. This is a shell that can envelop a person and ultimately turn them into these lifeless plastic toys. Conversely, when you pull away bits and pieces you are revealing the human being beneath the shell.

The majority of my work in this exhibition is informed by the ongoing conflicts in Northern Africa and the Middle East.

It's not finished. It's nowhere near where I'd like it to be but I think it's a good start.

Some images of my work:



Peacekeepers, mixed media on paper





Man, charcoal and oil on paper

Soldier, charcoal and oil on paper





Open Fire, mixed media on paper





Deflection, mixed media on paper