Another dream.

It happened again. Another dream. This one was so bad that it actually woke me up around 5:30 and I had to really push myself to try and go back to sleep. I don't know if that's ever really happened before. I can't remember everything this time. Only the parts that carried over after I fell back asleep.

I was in a house. I'm not so certain where but if what I remember of the layout is right then I think it was my childhood friend's house. There were a lot of people that I knew there as well. But that's all I can tell you about that. Something happens and then my teeth start the process of loosening and then coming out in pieces. It's an absolutely indescribable feeling. I'm standing there in horror wondering how and why this is happening.

Everyone around me is going about their own business and I'm trying not to draw attention to myself. My mouth is full of broken teeth and blood. So much blood that I can't even talk for fear of people finding out. And when it gets to be too much, I hold my hands to my mouth and blood and pieces of teeth just spill out into cupped palms. It's terrifying and I feel myself starting to lose control over my emotions and then, in that moment, I wake up.

Not really though. I'm still dreaming but it's a layered dream- a dream within a dream. I realize this immediately, check my mouth and begin to feel better because at least in this dream I have all of my teeth. Then, somehow I find myself falling back into the previous dream. I'm losing consciousness and immediately I am back where I was before, hands gripping my mouth as teeth and gum and blood are seeping through my fingers.

That's when I lose it completely because I know now that this is a dream. I scream and thrash around trying to find the bathroom. Everyone there is beginning to pay attention to me but I don't even notice because I'm so far lost in my terror and rage. I make it to the bathroom and begin pulling the remnants of my teeth and gums from my mouth all the while trying to convince myself that it's a dream and I need to wake up.

The next thing I realize is that I'm pulling myself from unconsciousness- literally fighting to get out of the dream. I've never done that before. It was a strange feeling to force myself awake. Even after I wake up I can still feel the grittiness in my mouth. It's enough to have me sit up, the need to get my breathing back to a functioning level being a top priority. Then I check my mouth.  I'm glad my roommate was off campus this night because I think this would have absolutely woken her up.

I don't know what to think of these recurring dreams. There are times when I think I've final gotten to a point where I can understand their significance and then the whole situation changes and I'm left with nothing but the uneasy knowledge that these are going to keep happening but no reasons why.